does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
