If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
