So drunk its hurt
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
