There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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