I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
