She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
he shaved USA in his pubs
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Randomize
