if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
