just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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