Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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