He disabled his match.com account in front of me
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
