I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Panties = found
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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