The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
