What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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