Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
