fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
