this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
