Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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