The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
