i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
