So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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