I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I've blown a few things in my day
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
