I hate your face
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
