i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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