Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
