youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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