Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
