why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
