Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
