i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
