Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
