an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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