She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
