too bad you live with your parents still
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
