OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
