I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
