Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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