If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
