tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
