were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
