Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
