I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
