Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
