i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
