You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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