I want to make a zoo with you.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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