Tell her she can't have a vagina
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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