I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
