Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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