So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
