My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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