its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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