He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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