Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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