i think i have herpe
just one?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
