I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
He did a backflip because drugs
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
